


Somewhere to Belong

by seki



Category: The Last Remnant
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 08:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8837608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seki/pseuds/seki
Summary: "Do you still get homesick?"Everything's different in Athlum.





	

Rush's life had become all about _learning_ , in Athlum.

He'd done the standard schooling in swords and poles that everyone got, back on Eulam, and Emma had grudgingly admitted it was sufficient to keep him from being useless in battle. It wasn't anything like proficiency, however. He'd been sorely aware of how bad he was, and when he'd been hiring mercenaries to help him look for his sister, he'd made sure to pick ones who'd be willing to teach him as well as fight with him, and that had kept him going until Emma had decided he had real talent and had picked up his weapons training _personally._

It took him a while to realise how much of an honour that was.

He'd had to learn to look after his weapons, too. And his armour. Leather armour needed fixing regularly, and it was so _so_ much cheaper to patch things up for himself than to haul it to an armorer. He'd learned all he could; patching and pinning and repair, hard, fiddly work that made his fingers grow thick-skinned and deft, with calluses from holding the needles.

By far the largest batch of lessons Athlum had for him, however, came under the heading _how to behave_. 

Nobles were thin on the ground over on Eulam; the nominal ruler was a prince who spent more time in the smithy than anywhere else, and who had come to Rush's school one day and arm-wrestled all the older boys in a friendly, jokey way. Someone that your father might have a drink with, in the tavern. David and his entourage had come as a total culture shock; getting tossed to the floor for _impertinence_ by Emma so unexpected that it had taken Rush a couple of weeks to really figure out what it was she was angry about, especially when David himself hadn't looked annoyed by Rush's behaviour.

David had been _surprised_ , definitely. But more amused than anything else.

Athlum itself had been overwhelming. When it seemed like Rush might need to stay there, he'd looked into renting a room to live in so he wasn't abusing David's generosity. The Warrior's Honor had inn-style rooms that were fine for a few nights, but living above a bar was noisy and he kept worrying about how secure the lock on his door really was. When he looked elsewhere, it turned out that he needed references and huge chunks of rent in advance, and the first landlady he spoke to was so suspicious of a _kid_ living on his own that he'd felt guilty for even asking. 

He'd taken the repeatedly offered room in Athlum castle after that, grateful beyond belief. Though after a few days, homesickness had kicked in _hard_. He'd let himself cry, missing Eulam so much it hurt. Their old house, their old school, his friends, the next-door-neighbor who always made sure they weren't getting into too much trouble with their parents away.

Maybe David had guessed at the reason for Rush's red eyes the next day; he'd come to talk to him, made a big thing out of how they were absolutely going to find Irina, and that they'd contact Rush's parents as soon as possible. And he'd invited Rush to dinner that evening with all the Generals, and it had felt a little like being part of David'sfamily.

It was that day that tipped Rush over from having a mild and manageable crush on David into _really_ , _really liking him_.

David was beautiful, any idiot could see that. He knew it, too, Rush had realised; nobody got their hair cut like that or dressed like that unless they knew they looked good enough to do so. But it wasn't vanity, not really. David treated his looks the same way he treated his skill with weapons or like he treated his bond with the Gae Bolg; they were all tools for him to use in Athlum's service, assets that made people pay him and his city more attention than they might otherwise.

No, what had got Rush really reeled in was that David was _kind_. Okay, obviously he was angling for some kind of favour from Rush's parents in return for helping Rush -- that was politically smart, and Rush couldn't really blame him for it. But David hadn't just offered his help. He'd offered friendship, and right now Rush needed a friend just as much as he needed the very real assistance of Athlum's soldiers and connections.

Rush had had crushes before, back on Eulam. Rush had a type, and it had always been clever, funny men with dark hair, dark eyes and big grins. Lots of charisma, lots of jokes, easy laughter. Guys he'd been too shy to even talk to, let alone flirt with. He'd been afraid even to look at them too much, scared that his interest might be _visible_ somehow. And David was absolutely not Rush's normal type. David was… serious, most of the time. And David never smiled big broad smiles that included everyone -- David's smiles were private, and rare, and somehow all the more rewarding for that.

It was absolutely not the right time for Rush to be thinking about anyone the way he kept thinking about David. But maybe, when Irina was safe… maybe he'd be able to hang around Athlum a little longer. Just in case.

\---

The other big thing that Rush had to learn was _religion_.

Oh, Eulam had temples and shrines. Everyone paid lip service to the God Emperor, and to Marion. But that was, as far as Rush knew, all it was -- the kind of thing you did because everyone had always done it, praying before meals and so on.

Rush had never _meant_ any of the prayers he'd mouthed along with.

People in Athlum took it more seriously. There were proper formal services twice a week at the bigger churches, with priests swinging incense and chanting prayers to Marion. They worshipped the God Emperor in Athlum, too, though those services were quieter, times for reflection and gratitude. There were dozens of small shrines throughout Athlum, where people left offerings and prayed, in a way that felt far more sincere to Rush than anything on Eulam.

There were services in a chapel in the castle, joint ones that encompassed worship of both Marion and the God Emperor. After a couple of weeks of him living in the castle, Emma had told Rush that he could go to the castle chapel 'instead of him going all the way down into the town'. Rush had taken that for the gentle hint it was, and had begun attending.

The services were led by a priest who lived in the castle, a small and intense qsiti who was always full of smiles when he wasn't actually preaching. 

David prayed, at the services, and before heading out to battle, and before eating. He had a little shrine in his rooms which he burnt incense for. David was, to Rush's faint surprise, apparently a true believer in the power of the God Emperor and Marion. Rush supposed it was what he'd been raised with, much the way Rush had been raised _without_ much faith.

Other Athlumians -- plenty of those outside the castle, certainly, but probably a lot of the staff within too -- included David himself in their pantheon of deities to worship. The first time Rush went into a church in Virtus Parish and saw a statue of David with offerings below, he'd been really shocked. But Rush supposed it made sense. If you believed God Emperor was really a god, then it did sort of follow that anyone he granted a Core Remnant to was holy. David, Qubine, Bertrude, Priam, Olebeag… they were all touched by the divine, so the theory went. And David had _two_ remnants, so that made him doubly holy, in the eyes of the Athlumian people at least. Or at least one-and-one-half as holy as Qubine.

David didn't seem to regard himself in anything like that sense, nor did he talk about the other rulers with Core Remnants as if they were divine.

But David did, as far as Rush could tell, believe he'd been granted his Core Remnant by a living divine being. And he believed that the God Emperor would somehow be able to hear his prayers all the way over the other side of the continent, and would be able to influence things to grant those prayers.

And David didn't think that sounded crazy.

Religion was _weird_.

\---

Blackdale had been _terrifying_ , and Irina was… gah, Rush had no idea where Irina was now, but at least she was _alive_. David had gone out of his way to make sure Rush knew that she'd been seen, and had offered his help to make sure they could find her again. He'd had to shake some sense into Rush -- and man, Rush had kind of frozen up at _being touched by David_ \-- but he'd done it like a friend would, like someone who genuinely cared.

He'd offered _Athlum's_ help. He'd claimed to owe it to Irina, but whatever his reasons, man, Rush was beyond grateful.

And according to what Rush could figure out afterwards, David had _lied_ to Celapaleis about what had happened, because he thought Qubine might be part of some huge plot involving the Academy and Wagram and, well, everyone. That was a _huge_ deal. Taking Rush's side to help him find Irina was one thing. Taking Rush's side against his boss and maybe the whole Academy was quite another.

They were heading to Elysion; David was sneaking Rush in, as a member of his entourage. Rush had started keeping a tally of all the favours he owed David and Athlum, but at this rate he was going to run out of paper to keep marks on. 

\--

After Elysion, in the embassy, Rush… kind of had a breakdown.

He'd gotten his dad settled in, and talked to the medics that David -- more favours -- had called in to see to him. Then Emma had said she knew where his mom might be, and David had told him to keep an eye on her for him, and Rush had held it all together until he got back to his room to gather everything so they could head off.

And then he'd sat on the bed and just zoned out, entirely.

He didn't know how long he sat there for. He certainly wasn't thinking about anything. He had one hand fisted so tightly in the blanket underneath him that it lost circulation and went numb.

Rush only snapped out of it when blood rushed back into his hand and made it feel like he was being stabbed by a thousand tiny pins; David had gently pried his hand open, had been kneeling in front of Rush for a while, talking to him, and Rush hadn't even registered it.

"Come on, Rush," David said, his voice weary and worried. "Come on, talk to me, it's alright."

Rush blinked, twice, his eyes focusing on David's face before everything started to swim, and then the tears just wouldn't stop, and he couldn't stop the stupid noise he was making either, like all the air in his lungs wanted to get out at once in one long whine of despair.

David was hugging him closely, patting his back, making soothing noises in his ear.

"I'm sorry," Rush sobbed, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," David said, over his shoulder. "It's alright, don't apologise. Shhh."

"No, it's not, I'm so stupid. I can't even stop--" and Rush couldn't even finish the sentence, his throat closing up too tightly for words. He closed his eyes, hoping that would stem the tears.

He felt David pull back from the hug, and then soft, glove-clad hands cupped his face. "Rush, you have every right to be sad. Don't apologise for that."

"I couldn't save Irina, or my father."

"I am as much to blame as you, for both."

David said it so angrily, with so much self-blame in his tone, that Rush was shocked into opening his eyes again. David thought this was his fault? "No, Dave, there wasn't anything you could do, I--"

"Nor you." David took hold of Rush's shoulders in both hands, and shook him gently. "If you must blame someone, how about blaming Wagram? Hmm?"

"Ah--yeah. Yeah. Okay."

"Come, now." David smiled at him, his hands still resting on Rush's shoulders. "Dry your eyes. You don't have to chase off with Emma right now; you can stay here tonight. A good meal and a night's sleep will make the world seem a little brighter."

"Can--" and Rush stopped himself. He wanted to ask David to stay here in Elysion tonight, too, to talk to him more and make him feel like maybe he wasn't such a failure, but that was stupidly selfish. "Uh. Thank you, for Dad, for, um. For everything."

"You are more than welcome. I will take my own advice, too," mused David, tilting his head to one side and looking thoughtful. "It won't be any inconvenience to the medics to have another day here."

"Really?"

"Certainly." David smiled at him again, and tightened his arms around Rush's shoulders before letting go and then standing up in one brisk moment. Rush looked up at him, and David held his hand out and hauled Rush up onto his feet. "I will go inform the others of the change of plans. You… may wish to wash your face before you join us."

"Right." Rush sniffed, suddenly aware that he must look a complete mess; his nose felt _drippy_ , and he quickly wiped it with his sleeve.

David grabbed his arm immediately, and his expression made Rush feel -- for just a second -- like he was a child who'd done something they'd been told not to do repeatedly. "And perhaps change your shirt."

"Sorry." Rush sniffed, again. "Bad habit."

"It's alright. Just… gather yourself, and come downstairs when you are ready."

With David gone, Rush immediately wiped his nose again on his sleeve -- if he was going to have to change his shirt anyway, it wasn't like it mattered -- and then hauled his shirt off entirely, dumping it on the bed. 

There was a small mirror above the sink, and Rush stared at his reflection. Oh god. He looked awful, his skin blotched white and pink from crying and the skin around his eyes all puffed up. No wonder David had told him to get cleaned up before he went downstairs. A quick splash with water took most of the redness out of his skin, and made his eyes feel less hot too. He took a few deep breaths, pulled on his spare shirt, and went down to face everyone, hoping David was right and everything would feel better in the morning.

\--

His mom was alive. Alive, awake, and… adopted? Rush had never really known anything about his mom's family, and now it turned out that she was a Marshall, and had Marion's Blessing, and that Irina did too.

It meant nobody would _kill_ Irina, for sure. But they'd never really be safe, not with that sort of power. Wagram wouldn't be nearly the only person who'd think to use it for his own ends. They'd have to… keep her in hiding, forever, probably. Mom too.

Even Emma couldn't know. She must have wondered what had made him so thoughtful on the way back to Athlum, what his mother could have needed to say to him privately. But she didn't ask, and Rush was grateful for that.

He made David promise not to get Irina or his mom involved in the war against the Conqueror, when David asked if he'd seen his mother. David had hesitated before agreeing, just enough to make Rush try and guess what he suspected. But he'd agreed. David wouldn't go back on his word, not even for the sort of power at stake, and Rush felt the tension in his chest give a little.

Athlum was still a sanctuary for all his family. For now.

\--

Rush stood at the back of the chapel, and watched as David's blonde head -- like everyone else's -- bowed over his hands.

"And we ask that the Divine Marion bring down her blessings upon all of us," recited the priest, "and that she grant wisdom and strength to our soldiers in the times to come."

All the heads bobbed, in unison, as the assembled people murmured along to the response. Rush followed suit, mumbling over words he only half-remembered.

Marion had been a Marshall. She was some kind of -- yikes, some kind of great-great-great-great-grandmother to him, Rush thought. A real woman, who'd had kids -- and had those kids been with the Imperator? It sounded like it, from the old stories. Did that make Rush's mom a descendant of the God Emperor _and_ Marion?

Did that mean people were just praying to his ancestors in this room? And if so, what did that make Rush and Irina?

"We ask that the God Emperor, in all his wisdom and benevolence, watches over us," continued the priest, and the crowd murmured the response again.

Of course, everyone knew the _current_ God Emperor was physically a descendant of the original. The details were hazy to Rush -- there was something about souls moving down, so that the throned Emperor was the embodiment of the original God and of all the Emperors before him. But even if you picked that apart and took out the god bits, and just said that he was the great-great-etc-son of the original God Emperor, that must make him, well, a cousin, maybe?

Shit. Thinking like this in church was probably blasphemy. And Rush.. well, just in case, he'd better not keep thinking about it too hard. He needed all the luck he could get, and _not_ to call down some sort of divine wrath.

The priest wrapped up the call-and-response prayers, took up his place before the statue of Marion, and bowed low over the offerings one last time before he turned and bowed at David, his arms gesturing for everyone to rise.

That last was the usual signal for everyone to get to their feet and start filing out. Rush waited; David was usually the last to leave the chapel, keeping his head bowed for several minutes after everyone else had gone. Maybe he was praying. Maybe he just wanted a little time to think, in private.

Emma gave him an odd look as she followed Pagus out, leaving Rush alone with David and the priest.

David eventually got up, nodded at the priest, and turned to leave the chapel. He tipped his head to one side as he approached Rush, looking both pleased and surprised. Rush felt a pang of guilt -- his lack of interest and attendance had clearly been noticed.

"You came," David said, and held out both his hands to Rush, who clasped them awkwardly like you were supposed to clasp the priest's hands at the big lunar festivals. "Seeking divine guidance?"

"I guess. It's starting to feel like we might need it."

David smiled. "Anything for an extra advantage, I agree."

"Amen to that." Rush saw the priest watching them talk, and nodded politely at him over David's shoulder. "Um. Should we go talk somewhere else?"

David glanced at the priest, and then nodded. "Yes -- come review the troop practises with me?"

\--

David led them to his meeting in Nagapur via both Melphina and Ghor, apparently in search of private advice from both Lords. Olebeag was wizened and cautiously welcoming, and Rush had liked him. Ghor, on the other hand, stared at them arrogantly and gave Rush the impression he thought Athlum not worth his time. He'd bristled, as defensive as Blocter at the insult to Athlum.

His reaction had made him suddenly realise that, in the midst of everything else, he'd started to think of Athlum as his _home_. That couldn't be good. When he found Irina… they couldn't stay in Athlum. They couldn't stay _anywhere_. He couldn't let himself get this attached, no matter how much he trusted David. No matter how much he _wanted_ David to be worth trusting.

He should start looking for places they could run to, really.

His first impression of Nagapur was that it was _vast_. As big as Elysion, and just as busy, but Gwayn overhead felt oppressive, not reassuring the way Elysion had.

Gabriel, behind him at the dock rail, whistled appreciatively at the sight of the Dragon Remnant looming above them.

"She's beautiful, is she not?"

"She?"

"The lady up there. Only a woman could tug at my heart so," Gabriel said, grinning widely at Rush.

Rush smiled back, unable to help himself. Gabriel was exactly the sort of man he'd have developed a hopeless crush on, back on Eulam. Rush would have felt his heart beat a little faster in response to those smiles, would have yearned to be talked to the way Gabriel talked to him, with warm easy camaraderie. And Rush still thought Gabriel handsome, liked the accent and the gentle carefreeness of Gabriel's attitude.

But put Gabriel next to David, and he just didn't compare. Nobody did.

"Let's hope she doesn't have a temper like some women I know," Gabriel continued, his attention back on the Remnant. "I wouldn't want to see this one angry."

"Me neither."

Gabriel shuddered, visibly, and then clapped Rush on the shoulder. "Enough premonition. Time to get some ale, my friend."

"I know just the place." 

\--

"Irina's got Marion's Blessing!"

As soon as he said it, Rush nearly slapped a hand over his own mouth in horror. Crap, he'd just blurted it out, in public, where anyone could hear, like a complete idiot.

David's eyes widened in realisation. "...And you think Lord Hermeien is aware of this?"

Crap. Rush span on his heel, and felt David catch at his elbow.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"I have to go save her! I can't let him use her power!"

"Calm down and think for a moment! How are you to save her if you don't even know where to find her?"

...dammit.

"Rush, there is only one thing we can do right now. We must stop this war before anyone has a chance to use her power." David's eyes seemed stern and distant, and then his expression softened a little as he focused again on Rush. "I promise you, we will come back for Irina."

David was right, however much Rush might hate it. If anything happened to Irina… but she'd be safe for now, too precious to risk. "Fine."

\--

They stopped the Conqueror's armies, and returned to Athlum, and everything was just… awful.

Emma's cremation service was exhausting. Rush attended it -- along with what felt like half of Athlum -- and watched as first Torgal, then Pagus, then David, and finally Emmy spoke of Emma's life. Rush hadn't known most of what was said, hadn't ever heard Emma speak of her husband, hadn't known how young she had been when she became a heroic figure to Athlum.

Athlumian tradition had the speakers face the rest of the audience, across the coffin, for the whole service. Torgal made it sound like knowing Emma had been an honor; he called Emma his _tribe-sister_ , and Rush felt his stomach swoop at the pride that was obvious in Torgal's voice. Qsitis didn't shed tears, but Pagus spoke as if he was holding back a sob for his entire speech as he talked of their friendship. Emmy cried, unashamedly, through most of the service and Torgal took her hand in two of his for a while. 

David didn't cry; not when any of the others spoke, and not when he spoke. Rush spend most of the service watching David not crying. It was an eerie sort of calm, as if he'd cut the connection between his emotions and his face. Rush didn't think David had let himself _have_ emotions since Emma had died, since the Valeria Heart had been taken. And he couldn't really blame David -- it was too much, too hard all at once -- but it couldn't be healthy. What happened if David's control snapped suddenly, out on the battlefield?

He tried to get into David's room, afterwards, but the guards -- in the nicest way they could -- told him that David wasn't letting anyone in and to get lost.

David's room had a balcony that faced onto a little courtyard. Rush's room faced the same courtyard, on the same level. It wasn't so hard to get out of his window, shimmy across and _around_ and swing himself onto the balcony. There were guards patrolling the courtyard, of course. If his talisman hadn't allowed him to move preternaturally fast, he'd have been in trouble. As it was, it took two shimmy-dashes to get there, with a brief pause hiding in the shadows of a window half-way around to wait for the patrol to move on.

The door was locked, of course. He tapped the glass gently, still crouching to stay hidden.

David came to the window, frowning, and his jaw actually dropped when he saw Rush.

"What are you _doing_?" he hissed, opening the door so that Rush could crawl in. "Have you lost your mind?"

"I just… I wanted to make sure you're alright."

David closed the door again, and pulled the curtains across firmly. "And breaking into my rooms is how you find out?"

"You opened the door, I didn't _break_ _in_." 

"My guards could have shot you." David gestured to a sofa. "In fact, they should have. Sit down, for Marion's sake."

Rush perched on the arm of the sofa. "Dave, I'm worried about you. Don't do the stoic hero thing, please, tell me the truth."

David seemed to pause, and then he sighed heavily. "I cannot afford to be anything other than alright. Once we have recovered your sister, then perhaps I will have leisure to mourn."

"Is it a good idea to bottle everything up like that?"

"Would it be a better idea for me to be weeping inconsolably?" David held up a hand, immediately, and shook his head. "Forgive me, I meant no insult. Tears are no shame when they are warranted. But I do not wish to shed them yet."

Rush bit at his lower lip. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. If you say you're holding up okay, I believe you."

David looked almost surprised, and he sat on the arm of the nearby chair, facing Rush. "Thank you."

"Would the guards _really_ have shot me?"

"An intruder, on the balcony of my rooms?" David snorted. "If they'd seen you, certainly. How did you get past?"

Rush lifted his hand to his talisman, and pulled it out so it rested above his clothing. "I cheated a bit."

"I--" David leant forward, and stretched out a hand as if to touch the talisman, and then stopped himself. "You used the power of your talisman to bend time? Just to sneak over here to check on me?"

Rush glanced down at it. "Yeah?"

"I know it isn't quite a remnant, Rush, but that's…"

"Up to me to decide." Rush tucked it away again. "You matter enough."

David leant back, and regarded him thoughtfully.

"What? You do."

"You're a kind man, Rush," David said, and then stood up. "Come now. I have papers to attend to, and you should return to your room. Via the usual corridors, if you please."

"Alright, alright."

\--

"Irina says she loves her room. I think she's just happy to be near Mom."

They were outside, in the courtyard that held what Rush thought of as Emma's garden. David always seemed more relaxed here, and it was as private as anywhere Rush was likely to be able to corner David for a while. 

"Good. I'm glad she's settling in."

"Yeah." Rush fidgeted a little, nervous. "Dave, can you, um. Stand up?"

David looked up -- he had crouched to inspect one of the plants -- and frowned. "Why?"

"Just… please?"

David stood up, his expression both wary and confused.

Rush knelt on one knee in front of David and bent his head down, the way he'd seen Emmy kneel when she'd been sworn formally into her position. "I hereby pledge myself into your service, my Lord, and--"

"Stop, stop, what are you _doing_?"

Rush looked up. "I told you, I'm gonna fight for Athlum, and you make your soldiers swear, so I should too."

"No, you shouldn't." David dropped into a crouch again, bringing their faces to the same level. "Rush, please."

"Am I getting the words wrong? I can't remember exactly what Emmy said, and I couldn't find them anywhere in the library."

David tipped his head to one side, considering. "You're serious about this."

"Absolutely." Rush took a deep breath. "Look, Athlum is protecting my family. _You're_ protecting my family. You should have my word that I'll fight, in return."

There was a pause, and Rush wondered if David was going to refuse.

"Very well." David stood up again, and smoothed the front of his coat down. "The exact words aren't important. But you swear yourself to Athlum, not to me."

"Shouldn't I do both?"

"I… it's not customary."

"Alright, alright." Rush took a deep breath. "Um. I hereby pledge myself into Athlum's service. I vow to protect her and her citizens, to uphold her laws, and further her goals, and do whatever is needful for her defense and honour. This I pledge, in Marion's name, and the God Emperor, and whoever else you want."

"Athlum accepts your fealty." David held out his hand and Rush grasped it, bending his head over it. "You're now officially a sworn soldier of Athlum, Rush Sykes."

"I _also_ pledge myself to your own service, Lord David Nassau of Athlum," Rush added, looking up. "As you command, so will I obey."

"Rush." David didn't look annoyed, just long-suffering.

"I'm serious."

David stared down at him, and then closed his eyes, as if giving up. "I accept your personal pledge of loyalty, Rush Sykes."

"Good." Rush grinned up at David. 

"But I accept it only on the condition that I may release you at any time I see fit." David's fingers wrapped around Rush's, and he pulled upwards, forcing Rush to stand. "I don't need your word, truly. I trust you."

"Yeah?"

"You know I do." David tilted his head, slightly. "But I appreciate the gesture." 

David was still holding his hand, and his expression was almost fond, and Rush's heart thumped heavily in his chest. "Um. I figured if I did this in private, you can still say that anything dumb I do isn't Athlum's fault if you need to."

"I don't foresee that being a problem." David squeezed his hand, as if emphasising his words. "You are not an idiot, Rush."

Rush looked away."Yeah, but I act like one sometimes."

"Not to my recollection." David squeezed once more, then let go. "I'm embarrassing you."

"Nah." Rush rubbed at the back of his neck. "Well. In a good way."

David smiled, and it seemed like he was going to say something more. The bell in the throne room chimed, in the distance, and his head snapped to look in that direction instantly. "Ah. I've been summoned."

"Yeah."

"I'll see you later?"

"Absolutely."

\--

Rush heard the gong that signalled the start of a scheduled prayer to Marion as he passed the church near the guild, and found himself stepping into the cool shade. The church was crowded, overcrowded, and Rush had to stand at the rear, listening to the priest's resonant voice as he called through the prayers.

He'd been into this church before. There was a portrait of David in the southern transept; you couldn't see it from the back of the church, but this yama priest always made his bows in a strict order: first to Marion at the altar, then to the flat panel in the northern transept that had runes dedicating it to the God Emperor, then to the portrait of David.

Rush nodded and murmured along with the prayers -- this priest used less formal language than the one in the castle, making his prayers more like the ones Rush remembered from Eulam -- until the service was done. He couldn't see the priest, unfortunately. Did the priest still bow to David, now that the Valeria Heart had been wrenched away?

As people filed out, Rush held his place and craned his neck.

The portrait still hung where it had before. Beneath it, there were so many offerings that the transept wasn't big enough to hold them; even packed tightly and -- in places -- stacked on one another, they spilled out into the nave. Rush took a step closer, awed at the sight.

Were these offerings prayers to David? Or _for_ David?

"Can I help you, child?" asked the priest, seeing Rush staring.

Rush shook his head. "No… no, thank you, sir." 

The priest tipped his head to one side, in a manner oddly like David's own. "Did you wish to add an offering?"

"Uh-uh." Rush swallowed. "I'm just glad that, well. That people still think he deserves them."

"They never stopped thinking that." The priest looked thoughtful. "You're Rush Sykes, are you not? You fought at the Nest of Eagles."

"Yeah." Rush rubbed at the back of his neck. "I did."

The priest bowed to him, to Rush's surprise. "May Marion watch over you, warrior."

Rush bowed back, uncertain he really deserved a blessing, considering everything. "And over you, sir."

"And over our Lord." The priest looked over at the portrait of David. "May I be bold enough to make a request of you, warrior?"

"Um, sure?"

"Tell our Lord that the loss of the Valeria Heart diminishes him not in the God Emperor's eyes, nor in the eyes of his people." The priest bowed his head to the portrait of David before looking back to Rush. "And that Marion's divine light will still shine upon him, if his faith is strong."

Marion's divine light? Rush fought down a laugh of surprise, and bowed again instead. "I will."

\--

"Dave? You asked to see me?"

David was sitting on his little sofa, and beckoned Rush over. "Close the door and come here."

Rush did as he was told, and saw that David had an opened bottle and two goblets in front of him.

"I'm taking your advice," David said, and patted the seat next to him. "The worst of the emergencies has been dealt with, and this evening I have nothing urgent."

"...o...kay?" Rush sat, cautious.

"You don't recall? When you climbed onto my balcony."

Rush stared at David. "You asked me to come here so you could cry?"

"So I could mourn, in company I trust." 

"Oh."

David lifted the bottle, and began to pour it into one of the goblets. "I was given this bottle when I became Marquis. Emma immediately confiscated it, saying I was too young to appreciate good wine."

"Huh."

"Emmy found it in her effects recently, untouched."

Rush looked at the wine, a deep dark red that half-filled the silver goblet. "I've never… um. On Eulam, I'm not old enough to drink alcohol."

"Oh." David blinked, owlish in his surprise. "You're several years past that, here. I assumed--"

"It's okay." Rush lifted the goblet, and sniffed. The wine smelled heavy and musty, like old fruits and earth and wood. "You think she was going to give it back to you one day?"

David poured wine into the other goblet. "Very likely. You know we were dear to each other. Emmy can tell you of how I used to cling to her skirts as a child."

Wine, Rush decided after a small sip, was _weird_ , sour and tangy. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad. "Emmy's not here. You tell me."

David leant back in the chair, and stared across the table, his eyes not really seeming to see the fire on the other side. "I think she was already half-mother to me, even before my mother passed. I… my mother was ill, before she died. Emma was in charge of training me in the sword. At first she was my tutor only because Emmy was set to spar with me." David took a gulp from his goblet. "Later, she was my tutor because she had no equal in our armies. I adored her. I told her I'd marry her, when I grew up." 

That was sort of adorable; Rush found it very easy to imagine a tiny -- and precociously serious -- David saying that to Emma. "What did she say?"

"She told me she was a hen too old even for the stewpot, and to train my sights on chicks my own age instead."

"Ha."

"Later..." and David took another gulp, and shook his head. "When Emmy and I renewed our betrothal, I told Emma that this would make her legally the mother she already was to me, and she… she had never embraced me before, but she did that day."

Rush, staring into his drink, looked up. "Wait. Did you just say... you and Emmy?"

"Yes." David looked at Rush. "You didn't know? We were promised from childhood, and then it was confirmed again a couple of years ago, before Emmy left on her pilgrimage."

"But… but you and her aren't… you know… are you?"

"Not until we're wed." David tipped his head to one side, frowning. "I wouldn't dishonor a maiden."

"No, I mean, you're not… in love?"

"Oh." David looked back down at his drink. "No. But there is love there, if not passion. She is my friend, and she is fair. It is more than I might have, were I promised to a stranger."

"I couldn't do that." That made David look up at Rush, his expression slightly… annoyed, and Rush pulled an apologetic face. "Sorry. I guess you don't get a choice."

"I've never thought to expect anything else from marriage. You expect to wed for love, then?"

Rush took another sip of the wine, unsure of how he could possibly answer that when he didn't really expect to marry at all. "I… haven't really thought about it."

"My parents married politically, but they fell _in_ _love_ also." David said, and now there was a sharp edge to his words. "When my mother died, my father was inconsolate, and uncontrollable. It broke him, and when the Gae Bolg offered him release he snatched it gladly."

Rush, impulsively, put a hand on David's arm. "Hey. You wanted to talk about Emma, not this."

"I… did." David sighed, and leaned back into the corner of the sofa, away from Rush. "My apologies."

"I'm not helping, am I." Rush withdrew his hand, and put his goblet down, carefully. "Should I go?"

"Please don't." David closed his eyes, looking pained. "I have few friends I trust, Rush. And I should not be drinking alone."

"Alright." Rush looked at his goblet, and then at the bottle of wine. "How about this: you tell me about how Emma taught you to fight, and I'll tell you how she taught _me_ to fight. I bet mine involved more bruises."

David smiled, and drew his legs up underneath him on the sofa. "I'll take that wager."

By the time Rush bid David a good night, the world was rather wobbly around the edges. Rush decided he didn't like the sensation very much, as he -- carefully -- made his way back down the corridors.

It _had_ been nice to see David relax as he talked and drank. Emma, it turned out, had been much as Rush had always thought of her: fierce and loyal and brisk. David had a trove of stories about the minor kindnesses she had shown others, about her fondness for ballads (and for singing them, tunelessly, to herself when she thought nobody could hear) and about her insistence that a younger David should learn more than just military strategy and history from his tutors.

David hadn't actually wept, to Rush's private relief. He wasn't sure he could have coped with tears.

He toppled into his bed, spent a few moments considering how hard a task the prospect of getting undressed seemed, and fell asleep.

\---

Irina seemed to find Rush's headache entirely too funny, but she was too grateful to poke fun at him for long the next morning.

"I really think you're better with the staves," he said, as she aimed an ill-balanced chop at the training dummy. "They use lighter ones here than they did back home."

"Huh." The chop might have been wobbly, but it looked like Irina had put a lot of effort into the motion. "I dunno, I think I'm getting the hang of this."

Rush helped her yank the sword back out. "Please let me try you on a polearm?"

"Fine, fine." Irina sighed. "I feel like I'm missing out. Emmy makes it look so easy."

"Emmy's been using swords since she was tiny, it _is_ easy to her." Rush ran a hand down the blade, as un-obviously as he could, feeling for new notches from the rough treatment Irina had been putting it through. "You can't compare yourself to someone with that much training."

"Her mom taught you, right?"

"Yep." The blade seemed unscathed, and Rush set it down gently. "And Dave, too. She was a good teacher."

"You miss her?"

"Not as much as those two do, but yeah." Rush picked up the quarterstaff he'd bought along. "Right. Try this."

Irina got into a basic defensive stance; Rush nodded in approval and adjusted her grip a little, forcing her to hold it closer to her body.

"Right. Now, you kind of know how to defend against other poles, I know, but I'm gonna come at you with the sword."

Irina managed to fend off Rush's two slowish swings, and then jabbed him hard in the foot with the end of the pole. "Don't patronise me."

"Ow, sorry, okay." Rush lifted his sword again, and swung with more speed, ducking under her clumsy defense and patting her quite hard on the side with the flat of his sword.

"Oof."

"What? Now you want me to go easy again?"

"Never." Irina lifted her staff again. "Come on, Emmy hits me harder than that."

"How much have you trained with her?" Rush asked, and aimed a slice at her legs that she batted away. "I thought I was your first choice of teacher."

"You are." Irina fended off another leg slice. "But she made me run through a few moves with her on the way back from Nagapur. Said she wanted to make sure I had basic skills, else she couldn't sleep."

"Mm, yeah." Rush aimed a feint at her arm, then lifted his attack to a gentle stab over her defense and poked her lightly in the shoulder. "Tsk, come on, you should have seen that coming."

"Geez." She rolled her shoulder, though it couldn't possibly have hurt. "Who do you practise with? You do still practise, don't you?"

"Dave, usually."

"Ah." She glanced down as if embarrassed, just for a second, and Rush thought: oh no. "You and Mr David are really good friends, right?"

"Yeah." Rush lowered his sword. "Look, sis, Dave's a great guy, but--"

"But what?" She jabbed at his foot, and he had to step backwards quickly to avoid the blow. "He's way too old for me, don't be ridiculous."

"Good. Okay." Rush raised his sword again. "It's just, don't get your hopes up, 'cause he's taken. Sort of."

"Sort of?" Irina swung her staff towards his waist, but she wasn't trying very hard.

"He's betrothed. To Emmy, actually."

Irina lowered her staff, abruptly. "What?"

"Since they were kids, I think, but yeah." Rush shrugged. "Definitely taken."

"But… wait, no." Irina shook her head. "No, that can't be right. I asked Emmy if she had a boyfriend, and she said no."

"Yeah, I don't think Dave sees her as a girlfriend either. They're not really together like that."

"No, I mean, I asked her if there was anyone she liked and--" and then Irina bit her lip. "Um. Never mind."

"It wasn't Dave?"

"No."

"Ah, crap." Rush didn't think he wanted to hear this. "Well, I don't think either of them gets a choice. It's a noble family thing, they're just expected to get hitched one day."

"Ugh." Irina sighed, and planted the base of the staff in the ground, like it was a spear. "That's awful."

Rush shrugged again.

"You don't agree?"

"It's not any of our business, now, is it?" Rush slid the sword back into its scabbard. "Look, sis, we're going to be in Athlum a while. Can you try not to interfere with our host's love life, please?"

Irina wrinkled her nose as if she wanted to argue.

"And come on, give me that staff. If you're going to learn how to use polearms, I'm not the best person to teach you -- I'll take you down the guild later, you can meet a friend of mine who can run you through the options."

She let him pull the weapon away from her. "Alright. Promise?"

"Promise."

Rush managed to get into the armory and out of Irina's sight before he brought his hands up to his face and bit down hard on a thumb to stop himself whining. Shit. This was not good. Rush didn't think David would take a broken betrothal well, not on top of everything else. 

Maybe Irina misunderstood what Emmy had said. Maybe Emmy was just enjoying the not-married-yet freedom to admire other people. Yeah, that had to be it -- and it'd be fair, really, since David didn't seem _that_ hyped about marrying Emmy either. Really, it wasn't like Emmy _liking_ someone else meant she'd do anything about it.

Rush took a deep breath. Fine. No need to make a big deal out of this. Time to forget about it, go down to Virtus Parish and hope that McGrady would be up for training Irina a little.

\--

This time, when Rush got to David's room, David beckoned him in and closed the door firmly behind him.

"Huh? What's up?"

David sat down on his sofa, and opened up a lacquered box on the table. "Steelroot."

Rush stared down at the neat little cylinders in the box, and sat down heavily next to David. Steelroot was a narcotic resin, mostly illegal on Eulam. In tiny amounts, you could use the leaf of the same plant as a painkiller for diseases of the bone, one of the few ways there actually was to dull those sorts of pains.

In slightly larger amounts, and if you burnt it in a pipe and inhaled the smoke, it made you high, not that Rush had ever even _seen_ anyone smoke the stuff.

Enough resin to fill one of the little white cylinders would be more than you could probably find on the whole of Eulam.

"Actually," David amended, picking one up. "Steelroot _and_ a lot of smokeweed, but the point is the steelroot. Since you complained about a wine headache last week, I thought this might spare you that."

"Uh." Rush rubbed at the back of his neck, uncertain. "Well. Smokeweed too, huh."

"You won't get addicted from one evening's indulgence, I assure you." David tipped his head to one side. "But you're reluctant."

Rush glanced over at the door. "Wine is one thing, but this is _serious_ shit, Dave."

"Is it not permitted on Eulam?" David lifted the cylinder, and inspected it. "Here it's seen as something not to abuse overly, but legal. Though Torgal would scold me for using it; it will dull your senses for a few days."

"And you want that?"

"Yes." David stared at the end of the tube. "I walked my city today, Rush, and the absence where the Heart should be… I ache, and I am sad, and I want the world to feel less immediate and sharp."

There was a pause, and Rush nodded, slowly.

David took up a glowing ember from a small metal tray on the table. He lit the end of the cylinder and inhaled; the end of it glowed a vivid red, and David held the smoke in… his throat, maybe, Rush thought, before he exhaled a plume of whitish smoke, made a polite throat-clearing noise, and then repeated the process.

He held the burning tube out to Rush. "I won't insist you partake, but if you'd like to?"

"Okay." Rush took it. He might get in trouble with Torgal for this, but geez, it'd be less trouble than he'd get in for letting David get high on his own, surely. "What do I do?"

"Breathe it in, deeply, then let it out. Don't worry about holding it for now."

Rush did his best; the acrid smoke made the back of his throat itch and his eyes water, and he coughed in surprise.

"Water?"

"No." Rush coughed again, and then tried once more on the thing. It felt easier this time, his lungs filling and relaxing, and when he breathed out the smoke it made him think of what it must be like to be a dragon. He pursed his lips, directing the smoke left and then right, amused by the thought. "Doesn't taste as bad as I expected, really."

"Good." David leaned back in the sofa. "Now, come, tell me how Irina's training is going."

\--

"And, then, it turned out that the girl didn't even exist," Rush said, grinning at the memory. "And he'd spent a _fortune_ on a plain old Zu egg!"

"Poor fellow." David was smiling, sprawled on his end of the sofa and looking really _lazy_ for once, his eyes half-closed.

The room was faintly hazy with smoke; they'd smoked their way through several cylinders. Rush's limbs felt sort of liquid and heavy at the same time. Rush had decided that steelroot was a lot nicer than wine; he felt a little lightheaded, but he didn't have the sickly sort of dizziness he'd gotten from drinking with David.

David sat forward and stubbed out the current cylinder in the tray, and then stretched expansively, the muscles in his arms flexing under his gloves in a way that made Rush's eyes fix on them appreciatively. David then flopped backwards, against Rush's side, and closed his eyes.

"You okay there?"

"I think I'd forgotten how it felt to truly relax," David said, and he shifted a little, then rested his head on Rush's shoulder. "It feels like I've been battling constantly for months, one way or another."

"You have." Rush slouched a little, in his seat, so he could lay his head against David's. The fire danced in the grate, a pretty image to keep his eyes on. "Sorry."

"It's really not your fault."

"Mmm."

Rush felt warm and comfortable and blissed-out. David's hair was pressed up against Rush's cheek, his torso resting along Rush's side, and the only noises were the crackling of the fire and the faint chirps of the insects in the courtyard outside.

"I spoke to a priest in Athlum, last week," Rush said, and David's shoulders tightened just enough that Rush knew he'd heard. "He said that Marion's light would shine for you if your faith was strong."

David made an amused sound. "Well, we did save your sister."

"We did."

They lapsed into silence. Rush stared at the fire; the flames constantly changing and moving, until his eyes felt heavy.

"Rush," David murmured, eventually, turning slightly in his seat.

Rush blinked, sleepily; the fire was lower than it had been, and he had no idea how long he and David had been curled up together. "Mmm?"

David moved again, and turned his head. His lips brushed against the edge of Rush's mouth. It felt like a question, and Rush couldn't think of any reason not to answer it the way he wanted to.

The resulting kiss was slow and languid and exploratory; David's lips moving lazily against Rush's, then parting for an exhalation of air that felt hot and damp against Rush's lips, and then back to more kissing, open-mouthed and intimate and _wonderful_ , David's tongue sliding slowly against Rush's.

David pulled away eventually, a hand on either side of Rush's face.

Rush stared at him, every bone in his body yearning to lean forward and kiss David more; David looked ethereally beautiful like this, his pupils so large they made his eyes dark, his skin lit by flickering golden firelight.

"Your hair is very soft," David said, and smoothed a hand down the back of Rush's head.

"It is?"

"Exquisitely so." David repeated the motion, and then sighed. "We should not be doing this."

Rush felt his heart sink. "Oh--"

"But I don't care." David's other hand dropped to Rush's chest, and then fisted in the material of Rush's jacket. "Will you come to bed with me, Rush?"

"Yes."

David smiled at him. "So certain."

"Totally certain." Rush grabbed at David's hands. "Where's the bed?"

David's bedchamber was very dark once the door was closed behind them. Rush found it hard to care too much about the darkness; David pushed him backwards onto the bed and climbed atop him to kiss him again, this time more urgently as David's hands slid across Rush's clothing and scrabbled at his buckles.

It took them a while to undress each other, in the dark, between kisses. Feeling David's hands splay across his chest and then slide downwards made Rush's head swim. He lost patience with trying to unbutton David's shirt and ended up yanking it open so hard that the remaining buttons flew off.

David laughed -- a bright, joyous sound in the darkness -- and kissed him again, and then slid down to squint at the fastening of Rush's belt before sliding it free. He pressed a hot, damp kiss to Rush's abdomen, just below the navel, as he opened Rush's trousers, and Rush couldn't stop himself from making a whining noise in response.

"Mmm," David said, his voice almost a purr. "You want my mouth, then?"

"Want all of you," Rush said. "Kiss me again?"

David came back up, nipping at Rush's lips and sliding his hand down Rush's unfastened trousers at the same time. Rush whined again at the feel of David's hand around him, and cupped the bulge at David's groin, delighting in the shudder that went through David in response.

"More naked," Rush said, and David seemed to agree, going for his own belt as Rush skinned out of his trousers.

Once naked, David pulled him down into another fierce kiss, one hand firmly behind Rush's head and the other between them, working at Rush's cock with slow, _delicious_ movements that sent pulses of pleasure up through Rush. Rush did his best to emulate the pace David was setting, his other hand touching wherever he could -- stroking up David's thighs, pressed against the muscle of David's chest, clutching at David's arm -- in a frenzy of _need_. God, he'd wanted David so much, wanted to touch him, wanted to feel this man moaning against his neck and licking at his ear and murmuring encouragement and pleasure, and now it was happening Rush didn't know if he could survive it.

David's moans became higher, more incoherent, and Rush felt David's entire body tense up once, then again, and then David made a soft, _yielding_ noise as he spilled out onto Rush's hand in a series of shudders that made Rush's body shiver in sympathy.

"Nnah," David murmured, wetly, in Rush's ear, and then he licked along the edge of it, again. "Mm, wait."

"Huh?"

David slid down the bed. "My mouth."

"What? Oh--" and then David was curled over Rush's lap, his mouth hot and wet and _amazing_ above the sensation of his hand at the base of Rush's cock. Every fibre of Rush's body seemed to concentrate its focus on that sensation, on the feel of David's mouth stretching and tightening and sliding around Rush, and Rush very quickly pushed David back as his climax threatened to come all too soon. "Nn, crap, gonna--"

David actually grinned up at him, the white of his teeth visible in the darkness of the room, and tightened his grip around Rush as his hand moved, and then Rush came, a sharp bright orgasm that felt like a wave of clarity sweeping through him.

Oh _god_.

David kept up the motion of his hand until the last pulse of Rush's orgasm had faded and until Rush placed a hand over David's to still him, and then he slid up the bed to lie next to Rush, his eyes crinkled in a smile of contentment.

Rush kissed him again, noting that smoke and his own taste on David made for a strange combination, and then rolled onto his back. "Wow."

David placed a hand -- not the sticky one, thankfully -- on the centre of Rush's chest. "I might say the same to you."

Rush stared up at the ceiling, his mind unable to relax the way his body was. That had been _too_ perfect, too wonderful to be possible. Had David really wanted this, wanted _him_ , before tonight? Or was this just the result of too much steelroot, making immediate pleasure take priority over his true feelings?

He put his hand over David's and squeezed. "We should clean up."

David rolled out of the bed, and went into a corner of the room. Light flared briefly, a lamp that David shielded with a cloth so the room was lit by a warm glow. David returned with a dampened towel that felt good against Rush's skin; the rough cloth making Rush feel properly clean in its wake.

David sat on the side of the bed, waiting, and took the cloth back when Rush was done, his eyes thoughtful.

"Do you want me to leave?" Rush asked, feeling suddenly very self-conscious.

"No." David pitched the cloth towards the corner, and then pushed himself up the bed to lie propped up on the pillow. "Though I should. Rush, this can't happen again."

Rush turned over, and crawled up the bed to lie next to David. "I figured."

"I wish--" and David reached out a hand to cup Rush's jaw. "I wish things were different."

"It's… well, no, it's not okay." Rush dipped his head, and kissed the side of David's hand. "But you can blame this on the steelroot, right?"

"I can." David tipped his head to one side, his eyes travelling down to Rush's chest. "I won't."

Rush felt himself blushing. "Dave."

"You have been the one unalloyed good thing in my life of late." David brushed his thumb against Rush's lower lip. "I won't make excuses; I've wanted to kiss you for a long time."

Rush leant forward, and David let this kiss happen too, slow and soft.

"Stay here," David said, in one quiet breath, afterwards, as if he was afraid Rush would say no. "Just… for tonight. Please?"

"I'm staying." Rush patted the pillow, and slid down the bed. "I'm here until you tell me to go."

"...thank you."

\--

David was pressed tightly against Rush's side, both arms curled around Rush's bicep as if David had been worried Rush would vanish in the night. His face was relaxed, though, and his hair was tousled. Some of it fell in his eyes, making him look very young.

Rush brushed the hair away, gently, and the touch was enough that David woke up. His smile was so sweet, on seeing Rush next to him, that Rush bent to brush a kiss to his cheek.

"Rush," David said, his voice warm and full of sleep.

"I'm here."

David smiled again, then struggled up until he was sitting. "Do you know if the servants have been?"

"I… no idea."

David raked a hand through his hair. "I should check. Wait here." He pulled on a robe and peered out through the door, then walked out into the room. Rush craned his neck and watched as David tidied away the residue of the previous night; he tipped the tray of ashes into the fireplace, closed and latched the lacquered box and put it on a side-table, and then opened two of the windows wide.

When he returned to the bedroom, he closed the door behind him, and tipped his head to one side as he regarded Rush, his expression hard to read.

"Hiding the evidence?" Rush asked.

"I suppose." David knelt, picking something up off the floor. "I'd rather they not know what we did."

"Right."

Rush got dressed as quickly as he could, while David sat at the end of the bed and stared at the small thing he'd picked up, turning it over and over in his fingers. That made dressing easier; David was so clearly not looking at Rush that it meant Rush didn't even have to feel self-conscious. His clothes stank of the smoke from last night, and it made his nose wrinkle to pull something _dirty_ on.

"Okay. I'm gonna head out," Rush said, once he was suitably dressed.

David looked up, and nodded, his expression set in that careful mask Rush had seen him wear sometimes when he was trying really hard not to show his feelings.

"Nothing happened last night," Rush added. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna say anything stupid."

David stood, and grabbed Rush's hand, and pressed the little disc into his palm. "Thank you."

It was one of the buttons from David's shirt. Rush swallowed, and clenched his fist tight around it. "I'll… see you later, then."

"Please do."

\--

It always hurt, going to see Dad.

John Sykes was in a bright, colourful room in the eastern wing of the castle. Marina had the room next to his, though Rush rather suspected his mother slept by habit in the wingback chair next to John's bed. She certainly always seemed to be in there whenever Rush dropped by.

Today she was reading, something from Athlum's library from the look of the binding.

"Hey, Mom." Rush kissed his father on the forehead, gently. "Hey, Dad."

"He's doing well today," Marina said, standing up. "He swallowed his breakfast first go."

"That's great."

It was, really. Some days, Rush knew, they had to put food in his dad's stomach by putting a tube down his throat. He'd watched that procedure exactly once, and decided he'd try and avoid visiting at mealtimes again.

Rush perched on the edge of the bed. "I wish I could ask you for advice, Dad."

"Should I leave you two to your man talk?" Marina asked.

"...I dunno." Rush tipped his head back, and looked up at the ceiling. "Nah. I can't even work out what I'd ask."

"That bad, huh."

"Yeah."

Marina sat back down. "I love your father, Rush."

Where had that come from? "I know."

"He's more important to me than anyone else except you and your sister." Marina straightened her skirt. "And there's nothing I wouldn't do for him."

Rush waited, wondering what this was leading to.

"If you have a chance for that sort of love, I hope you take it Rush."

"It's not that easy, Mom."

"Isn't it?"

"Nope." Rush looked over at her hand, on his dad's arm, and sighed. "It sucks, but not every romance gets a happy ending."

Marina looked so sad it made Rush wish he hadn't said anything. "I hope you're wrong."

"I'm not." Rush managed a smile. "But let's not talk about it, huh? Dad doesn't wanna hear me moan, I'm sure. He wants us to be happy and cheerful."

"...alright. What shall we talk about instead?"

"How about you tell me what you're reading?"

\--

Rush read over the reports again, doodling the direction of the waves of fiends on one of the maps he'd copied out. The issues all seemed to originate from Dillmoor.

Maybe it was the Rubber Soul, though that seemed unlikely after it had already been through a recent Collapse. Maybe it was to do with Aveclyff. The fiends within had mostly been the sort that bred fast if left unchecked.

Rush stared at the map, and then pulled over one of the other lists. Nora was off somewhere for another week, but Baulson and Loki were around, and if he was lucky Caedmon hadn't set off back for Balterossa yet.

"Thinking of heading out?"

Rush looked up. David was standing in the doorway.

"I… yeah." Rush stood up, awkwardly. You were supposed to stand up, when the Marquis entered a room, and the formality might help him put a little distance on, well, everything. "Uh. Just wanted to check something out, maybe see if I can find a way to seal Aveclyff."

"You think that's where the attacks on the orchards are originating?"

"Yeah." Rush flipped the map around to face David. "See? If you take into account that the fiends are gonna go around _that_ mountain and then probably follow the riverbed either east here or south there…"

"I think I see." David picked up one of Rush's pens, and made a little mark across the river. "There's a well-trafficked bridge here; I saw reports from traders complaining that they'd been seeing more attacks than usual."

"Mmhmm." Rush leant across the table, to circle a particular set of fields. "Yeah, this farm over here also sent messages about fiends coming up from beneath; there're caves there that track back to Dillmoor."

"Very good." David straightened his back. "I'll accompany you."

"Really? I was just gonna take a few mercs, maybe Blocter if he felt up for--"

"No, I insist." David gestured to the map. "My lands, my farmers, my people."

Rush sat down again, and pulled his list over. "Well, okay. Then Torgal at least is gonna wanna come, probably Emmy too. Hrr." He rubbed at the back of his neck, and then scrawled out a quick note to the recruitment officer. "I guess we can just take some soldiers to come with us and the generals, then."

He glanced up at David, who was staring at a point below Rush's chin. Rush fumbled at his neck -- oh. Leaning forward had made the talisman slide out from under his collar, and that had pulled the other necklace free too.

It really hadn't been very hard -- or expensive -- to find a thin, strong chain to thread David's shirt button onto, especially since Rush was an occasional customer at the best jeweller in town. The only awkward requirement had been making sure it wasn't a metal that would corrode or stain the skin, since Rush had no intention of removing it in the near future.

It was hopelessly sentimental of him. But it was the one physical reminder he had of his night with David, and he couldn't bear not to carry it near his heart.

Rush made an apologetic face, and tucked both necklaces back under his shirt.

"I'll, um. Grab the soldiers, brief them, and we can head out in a few hours."

David made a nearly convincing attempt to look like he'd noticed nothing amiss. "Very well. I'll see you later, then."

\--

"You're getting better," Emmy said, falling into step with him.

Rush had half-expected David to take point with him, not Emmy, but it wasn't _that_ weird for one of the Generals to be up front with him instead, and perhaps David, too, was trying to keep a little more distance between them.

"I hope so. I'm certainly getting a lot of practise," Rush said, pulling a comically weary face.

Emmy grinned at him, widely, an expression that made her look rather less like her mother than usual. "Aren't we all?"

Rush thought about that, for a few dozen paces. "Dave fights a lot more than other rulers, doesn't he."

"Yes." Emmy actually glanced over her shoulder, at the soldiers behind them. "He was raised to fight with his men."

"Does… does he do that more now?"

Emmy raised an eyebrow.

"Fighting, I mean. He leaves Athlum a lot more than most rulers leave their cities, right? Is that new?"

"Ah." Emmy glanced over her shoulder again. "Yes, I suppose it is."

"Man, it's my fault, I've dragged him around half the--"

"I think Hermeien's more to blame than you. Besides, if he chose to stay behind, he could; he chooses to leave Athlum."

"I guess."

Emmy, without seeming to change direction, had come closer to Rush, so they were side-by-side. "I remember he was envious of me for my pilgrimage. Whatever the cause, I think he likes having reason to see the world."

A few more strides took them over the crest of the hill. The path before them dipped low, leading through shallow puddles, a little like those in the Vale of Gods, before rising to another crest in the distance.

"Did you write to him?" Rush asked, remembering Emma talking obliquely of letters from her daughter.

"Hm? No. Why would I?"

"Aren't you and he--" and Rush sketched a vague circle in the air. "Engaged?"

Emmy stopped, suddenly, as if shocked. "Oh."

"I mean, Dave said you two--"

"We're promised, yes." Emmy started walking again. "But it's not the sort of promise that would make me send him love letters."

Rush hadn't quite meant love letters; had meant, really, that Emmy's descriptions of her journeys might have made David want to see those places. But, since Emmy had steered things in this direction, perhaps Rush could ask the question that had been in his mind since Irina had talked to him. "Do you mind marrying him?"

"I--" Emmy looked over at Rush, visibly confused. "What a weird thing to ask. It isn't negotiable."

"Isn't it?"

"Of course not."

"If you don't want to marry him, I think he'd agree to break it off."

Emmy stopped, abruptly. "Ah. Now I see."

"Huh?"

Emmy planted her hands on her hips. "Your sister told you what we spoke of."

"Um. Sort of? Not names."

"I see." Emmy grabbed his elbow and hauled him forward, directly through the puddles, apparently unconcerned about how soaked their shoes were getting. "Get Pagus to show you the alternatives, if you must. But Lord David must marry someone."

"Why?"

"Talk to him about his father." Emmy's foot slipped, and her hand tightened hard around Rush's arm to prevent her from falling over. "Ah, damnation, if I break my ankle here I will _kill_ you, Rush Sykes."

Rush let Emmy drag him to dry ground, and then let his stubbornness take over. "Emmy. If you want me to know why Dave needs to marry you, just tell me."

"Rrrghh."

"I'm serious."

"...How can you not _know_ these things? The Gae Bolg. It drains him. If we're bound in marriage, with the proper rites, it will drain _me_ instead."

Oh. Oh god. "Is that what killed Dave's mother?"

Emmy actually looked startled, and her stance softened. "It contributed, but it was not the only cause. To hear my mother speak, Lord David's mother was a vibrant, strong women until her second quickening."

"Second?" But David didn't have any siblings--oh.

"After that, she weakened easily, and it was a slow decline to her end." Emmy shook her head, firmly. "I will not weaken. I am a warrior. I will sustain Lord David for a long time."

"And it has to be you?"

Emmy actually glared at him. "Would you ask any other woman to do the same?"

Shit. "No, I--"

"So I will marry him." Emmy glanced back over her shoulder, down the path they'd just walked. "And you will say _nothing_ to him of what I told Irina."

"...fine."

They set off again, an arm-length apart, in silence. Two fiends crossed their path, and were dispatched in silence; Emmy seemingly lost in thought.

"Rush," she said, when they were at the crest of the hill, the chosen rendezvous point visible in the next dip. "Rush, do you know how he feels about me?"

"I--" Rush dipped his head. The question stung, a little, and Rush didn't want to _lie_ to Emmy. Maybe he didn't have to. "He expects to marry you."

"Of course he does." Emmy was staring forward, when Rush risked a glance; the wind had caught her hair, blowing it backwards, making her look stern. "That isn't what I asked."

"I, ah." What had David said? "He said that you were friends, and that he thinks you're pretty."

Emmy didn't look away from the horizon, but her mouth twitched as if she was pleased.

"Maybe you two should actually _date_ ," Rush said, forcing the words out. "I mean, not jump straight to marriage."

"The marriage will happen whether we date or not, Rush." Emmy seemed to come to a conclusion. "There'll be time enough for romance after. As long as he holds me to my promise, I will hold him to his."

Rush turned. The bulk of the army were visible on the path behind them, now, David at the front. Rush waved his arm above his head as a signal, and David waved back.

"But," Emmy said, quietly. "If another maiden catches his heart, then please, bid him tell me? I won't hold him to a promise he wishes broken."

It hurt; god, it actually hurt to smile at her. "Don't worry. You're still the only girl for him."

\--

It was the Rubber Soul; a slow sort of Collapse, setting forth a steady stream of monsters that they had to battle waves of before they could even reach the Remnant.

David set his hand upon the Rubber Soul afterwards, and did _something_ that made the luminescence fade down to a muted glimmer.

"Did you just bind that?" Rush asked, as David took a step back.

David shook his head, slightly. "No. It would do us little good for me to bind the Soul, I fear. But I have pacified it, for now. Let us hope it stays soothed."

Something made Rush think; draining. Again. Did all the core Remnants feed on their bound lords like this? And if so, did that mean that losing the Heart had maybe been a blessing as well as a curse?

It certainly meant that David had just been drained by whatever he'd done to the Rubber Soul. And maybe that was just like with the Gae Bolg, and David was _fine_ physically. Still, David didn't protest when Rush grabbed his arm, and when Rush looped David's arm over his shoulders he felt David lean his weight gratefully onto Rush. Maybe the battle had been rougher on him than Rush'd thought.

"Come on," Rush said, as lightly as he could. "We can rest over by the rendezvous point. Should be safe enough now, right? Then back to Athlum later."

"Yes." Torgal frowned. "We can strike a temporary camp, if you're fatigued, sire."

"That would be much appreciated," David said.

There was a small tent in the usual supplies; Torgal had it erected swiftly before the troops were allowed to rest, and Rush helped David inside and onto the bedroll inside.

"You okay?" Rush asked, quietly, kneeling beside David. It wasn't like David to show so much weakness in front of other people, especially not in front of his troops.

David sighed. "The Soul was a bit more demanding than I expected. That's all."

"I'll let you rest."

"Wait." David grabbed at Rush's hand. "Stay. Please."

"Dave--"

"Rush. I know you. Did you say aught to Emmy?"

Rush yanked his hand away. "Not about that thing that didn't happen, no. But she asked if you still wanted to marry her, and I said you did."

"...ah."

"I'm not going to interfere," Rush said, keeping his voice low. "In fact, if you don't mind, I'm not going to _think_ about it any more than I have to."

David reached out, and slowly took Rush's hand again, closing his fingers around Rush's. "And yet you're wearing that button."

"I…" and Rush couldn't bear to look at David's face, so serious and concerned. "It meant a lot to me, what happened."

"To me, also, I assure you."

"But I know it can't _go_ anywhere." Rush forced down the little bittersweet knot that formed at David's words. "And you need to let go of me, so I can let go of you."

David's fingers slackened, immediately. "I'm s--"

"And don't _apologise_." Rush hadn't meant to snap, but it came out irritated. "I don't want you to be sorry. I just want… to be friends."

"My dearest friend," David said, and he squeezed Rush's hand before letting go. "Very well. Then I'll rest, and we'll return to Athlum."

"Good." Rush smiled as widely and genuinely as he could feign. "Then I'll get out of your hair, okay?"

\--

"Flowers?"

"Yes." David was in his throne, in the throne room. He'd been speaking so quietly that Rush had had to approach even closer than usual, so he was right next to the throne. Rush hadn't been this close to David in weeks, not physically. "I sent out pages into town, but the florists here are out of fire irises."

"Fire irises." Rush scratched at the back of his head. "You want me to go get some for you?"

David shook his head, a very firm negation. "Absolutely not. Merely to tell me where _I_ can get them."

"O...kay."

It took Rush a few days, and a trip over to Elysion, to source the flowers. He stared at them, in the very expensive shop's window; they were very beautiful, a vivid red and orange blossom that -- according to the shopkeeper -- gave off fake sparks when they uncurled in the morning sunlight. And they were absolutely useless for any medical purpose.

Why did David want to know where to get ornamental flowers?

Rush got his answer about two weeks later, after passing on the details to a grateful David. He was staring out of his courtyard window; David was out in the garden, tending the blossoms below. He was planting a stand of the fire irises in one of the beds by the fountain, or, at least, was messing around in the soil right underneath them.

The irises were still beautiful, but they looked out of place among the solemn lilacs and moonflowers. Rush wondered why David had chosen them. 

And then Emmy walked into the garden, from the door next to where the irises were planted. Her hands flew to her mouth; she looked _stunned_. David brushed his hands off, and stood up, and said something to her. Whatever it was, it made her drop her hands and then hug David, hard. Rush squinted. Oh, oh wow. Emmy was crying. David held her, a bit awkwardly, for a while, until she pulled back and wiped at her face.

Rush kept watching, though he felt like a creep for doing it.

David reached out and took Emmy's hands in his, and spoke to her for a while. She kept nodding, and David's expression stayed… poised, and he looked like he was picking his words very carefully. After a while, he stopped, and they both stood there staring at their joined hands.

And then Emmy hugged David again, quickly, and then she turned and _ran_ back into the building. David just watched her go, his expression a mix of fondness and confusion.

Rush stepped back from the window, in case David happened to look up and see him.

Well. Clearly David had decided he needed to do things a little differently where Emmy was concerned. And those flowers had obviously meant something important to Emmy. Rush had _never_ seen Emmy even touch David before, let alone hug him. For a moment, it had even looked like a sweet romantic scene, the two of them holding hands shyly in David's courtyard.

Shit. Now _Rush_ was crying, stupid pointless tears that he had no right to cry. David wasn't _his_. David had never been _his_.

Rush reached up to yank off the thin chain, but it was _strong_ , and he had to fumble with the catch to get it off properly. That done, he held up the button, and stared at the tiny metal disc. He shouldn't be wearing this. It wasn't right, and it _wasn't_ helping him get over David to tote around a memento.

The chapel in the castle was never locked, and so Rush was a little surprised to find that the church near the guild _was_. He stared at the door, stupidly.

"Can I help you, son?"

The priest. Rush turned, a little embarrassed.

"Oh, it's you, warrior." The priest beamed at him, delighted. "You're a little early for today's service."

"I… I just wanted to leave an offering, that's all."

The priest fumbled with his belt, and then produced a key. "Let me."

It was cool and light inside the church. The priest stayed at the door, letting Rush make his way alone down the main aisle and then into the transept that housed David's portrait.

Rush knelt, and placed the button and its chain on the step below David's picture. He glanced up; David's expression in the portrait was calm and dignified, the same expression he wore to greet petitioners on his throne. Rush also thought that David looked very young in this picture. It must have been painted quite soon after he became Marquis. Geez. He must have been schooled in how to present himself since he was a kid.

Somehow, the expression made Rush feel like he was being even more of a fool to have schlepped down here for this. But he needed something more _final_ than tossing the button in the trash or burying it in a drawer, and he didn't think he could face the look on David's face if he actually handed it back to him. This was just _enough_ like giving it back that it might give Rush the same sort of closure. In theory, at least.

"Right then." Rush stood up, and brushed himself down a little. "Okay. Um. That's it, then."

The priest was still waiting at the door, and gave Rush another wide smile as Rush stepped back out into the aisle. "Are you staying for the service? It'll be another half-hour or so, but you can wait in here."

Waiting turned out to mean 'assisting with setup', but Rush didn't mind lighting all the extra lanterns -- his hands were probably better suited to reaching inside the cases than the priest's big yama hands were -- and he was quite happy to scatter the worn old cushions along the benches to allow people a bit more comfort while they were worshipping. By the time he was done with that, people were starting to file in from the outside.

It _was_ comforting, sitting there and mumbling along with the prayers in unison with other people, as long as Rush didn't think too hard about who he was praying to. And when the priest granted them all forgiveness for the darkness in their souls, the oppressive weight of guilt that Rush had been carrying around seemed to lift significantly. Man. No wonder people got so into religion. Getting told you weren't a bad person was one hell of a balm to the soul.

He joined the line of worshippers filing out, and was jolted out of his comfortable lack of thought by a tug on his sleeve as he stepped out into the sunshine.

"You come here often?" Irina asked, smiling up at him.

Well, this was weird. "Sis. You came looking for me?"

"Yup. A guy at the guild said he'd seen you going into the church."

"I… I was praying," Rush admitted. "It's kinda nice, once in a while."

Irina frowned up at him. "Huh. Emmy said Mr David's been going to the chapel a lot more than usual lately too."

That was news to Rush. But… well. David had made that comment about divine guidance, a while back. Or maybe David too wanted to be forgiven for recent events.

"But anyway -- McGrady says you should come watch us spar. He thinks I'm getting good enough to go fight fiends with you one of these days!"

Irina looked so proud. Rush reached out and ruffled her hair, making her scowl at him. "You think so, huh. Alright, I'm game. Show me how good you are."

\--

David hadn't summoned Rush to his quarters since _that_ night. Which Rush had accepted as the price that had to be paid for what had happened, although it stung to realise that this new distance between them might mean they'd never be able to really be _friends_ as they had been before.

So getting a note from David asking him politely to visit him was… confusing.

He rapped on David's door, lightly, all the same, kind of hoping he'd timed it right and David wouldn't have made it back from the throne room yet.

David opened the door immediately, and beckoned Rush in.

"Um," Rush said.

"My friend," David said, and put his hand out to clasp Rush's shoulder, gently. "I would like to talk to you."

"Sure, anything you want," Rush said, automatically.

"Well -- ah, sit down, please."

Rush followed David over to the little sofa, trying not to remember that last time he'd been sitting there had been when he'd kissed David.

David sat an arm's-length away, and folded his hands on his lap. "I do not have anything precisely I want to talk to you about, but I--well. I missed hearing your opinions."

Rush nodded, and stared at the fire in the grate. "Um. I think whatever you did to the Rubber Soul worked? Nobody's made even a peep about unusual fiend activity since."

"Oh? That's good."

"What _did_ you do, exactly?"

David seemed to consider his words, before saying, "I fed it, you might say. It's the same end to which Collapses serve; the deaths that result feed into the Remnant until it is satisfied."

"Whoa." That was definitely not a theory Rush had heard from his parents before.

"That's not an Academy theory," David added, tipping his head to one side. "It is my own. And I have not tried proving it with an unbound Remnant before. It was… hungrier than I expected."

"Are you crazy? It could have killed you!"

"No." David's eyes went thoughtful. "I have practise that others do not, in this -- the Gae Bolg is always hungry, and I only ever give it the minimum I must."

Oh. Damn. 

"It was effective, and I am glad. But next time perhaps I will merely slaughter fiends until it is done."

"Old-fashioned but reliable. I like it."

David smiled at him, a genuine warm smile. "And what of Irina? How fares she?"

"Actually, she's doing great. You know she's actually getting pretty good with her staff now?"

"Oh?"

"She wants me to take her out next time I go pound on some fiends."

"Hm." David seemed to relax, a little, sitting back in his seat a bit more. "Take me along with you when you do. I'll be curious to see her progress."

"Definitely. It's a relief. I should thank Emmy, really, she got her really invested in being able to defend herself properly."

"That does sound like Emmy." David hesitated before saying, carefully, "I have been trying to reframe how I think of Emmy, on your advice."

"My advice?" But Rush knew what David meant. "You mean, acting like you're dating?"

"I suppose." David looked at the fire, not at Rush. "The flowers you located for me were Emma's favourites. I wanted to honour her, in my mother's garden."

"Did it make Emmy happy?"

"I think so." David was still staring at the fire. "I am not sure I can tell. It worries me that I cannot."

"Yeah?"

David opened his mouth, and then shut it, and then smiled. It looked a bit false. "Never mind," he said, clearly instead of whatever he'd been about to say. "It's unimportant."

Rush was about to protest that David could tell him anything, and then it occurred to him that perhaps, now, there _were_ things David might want to keep from him, especially if it involved his future wife. "Mm. Okay."

There was a long silence.

Shit. It was never going to be the same as it had been, was it. Maybe time would help. Maybe it wouldn't. But right now, they were both still too awkward about everything for conversation to flow like it used to.

"Ohhh." Rush stifled a fake yawn. "You know, I'm kinda beat. Mind if I call it a night?"

A flicker of relief crossed David's face. "No, no. I will see you in the morning."

"G'night, then."

\--

A week passed, and Rush kept having to put Irina off -- legitimately, because he was being run ragged just keeping up with guild tasks, and none of those were suitable for someone as green as Irina was right now.

In the end, she went over his head.

"Rush," David said, when Rush opened his door sleepily. "I need you to come with me today."

Shit. It might be long past dawn, but Rush was still in his pyjamas. His hair was a mess. He hadn't washed his face, or cleaned his mouth, or _anything_ , and here was David looking like he'd been awake and alert for hours. Rush scrubbed at his jaw, where it felt sticky, like he'd drooled in his sleep. "Um."

"When you're ready, that is," David amended, a smile tugging at the side of his mouth. "But your sister was quite insistent that if we do not accompany her, then she will attempt to blood herself alone."

"Irina?" Ah crap. "Gimme… uh, five minutes."

"You can have twenty," David said. "Or indeed a whole hour. I'll keep Irina from being reckless, as long as I can promise her it _is_ today we are to take her hunting."

Rush blinked at David, a sudden doubt in his mind. "Is that okay? Aren't you kind of busy?"

"I will welcome an excuse to stretch my muscles."

"Mm." Rush supposed David knew his own schedule best. "Right. I'm gonna, uh, wash."

"And perhaps comb your hair," David said, with another half-smile. "I'll see you shortly."

It took Rush forty minutes to get himself into a mostly presentable state and to get down to the throne room, where Irina was chatting cheerfully at an amused-looking David.

"Ah, you're here," David said, tipping his head to look around Irina. "Have you assembled us a party?"

"I promised Violet I'd take her to go look at the Liafort today. But that fits in okay, you two will just be added bonuses -- we'll all head out towards the Ivory Peaks." Rush turned to Irina. "I'll put you in Violet's party. She uses a staff, so you have an example, and she won't let you slack off. That cool?"

"Sounds good to me!"

"Alright then." Rush looked over at David. "I asked Gabriel and Blocter, and some of the soldiers."

"I'll take Blocter with me, and some of the rank and file," David said. "But you're in command."

"Fine." Rush peered at the doorway; the sun's angle meant it was mid-morning, so thankfully Rush hadn't slept in _that_ late. "Assembling in an hour, then, by the main gate. I'll go get Violet."

The trip to the Ivory Peaks would, normally, be quite a convivial one for this group. Usually, Violet was pleased about the prospect of viewing the Liafort, and Gabriel would be correspondingly upbeat, and Blocter was _always_ cheerful and even more so when David was tagging along. The monsters were usually a challenge without being too risky to face, and the Ivory Peaks themselves were beautiful and allowed a view of Elysion's glory.

But this time, Rush realised quickly, Violet and Gabriel must have had one of their occasional spats. They were frosty at each other even before they left the city, and Rush was quickly grateful that the plans he'd written up beforehand assigned them to different teams. Violet's frostiness did thaw a little, at being told that Rush was giving up his little sister into her care.

"I'm honoured," she said, and seemed to mean it. "I'll keep her safe."

"I trust you," Rush said, and Violet actually smiled. "We're blooding her today. First hunt."

"Ah, a momentous occasion for such a fine young maid," Gabriel purred, in that sultry accent of his, and he slung an arm over Rush's shoulder. "We should bring back a trophy to commemorate it, perhaps? Something impressive?"

"Uh," said Rush, startled by the physical contact. "Should we?"

"Let's not get overambitious," David said. He was inspecting his rapier's blade, holding it in front of him. "Just getting to the Liafort and back will give her plenty of chance to test herself."

That was true. Rush nodded, gratefully. "Yeah. Is that okay with you, sis?"

"Yep," Irina said. "I'm not going to take on anything I can't handle."

"Glad to hear it."

"Ah, very well," said Gabriel, and he tightened his arm around Rush's shoulders. "I submit entirely to our handsome commander's demands."

Geez. Gabriel might not hold a candle to David, but he was still an attractive, charismatic man, and Rush was going to start blushing if Gabriel didn't let up on the vaguely flirty behaviour. "Okay," Rush said, squirming out from under Gabriel's arm. "Then let's head out."

The weather up on the Peaks was more dismal than usual, the sky overhead filled with pendulous grey clouds that hid Elysion and weighed down the air. It made Rush feel uneasy. Rain he could handle, but this felt like storm weather.

David caught at his elbow, as they rounded the corner that led out onto the open expanse on top of the Peaks. "Let's make this a quick dash to the Liafort and back," he advised, quietly. "There's a cave that is stocked with firewood, if we take the other path back at the last fork. It will shelter us if the weather turns sour."

"Good plan."

Five steps out into the open, and they were set upon by a pair of raptors. Not the worst challenge, and they were able to allow Irina to strike the final blow on the second one. It sank to its knees as she delivered a heavy blow with her staff.

"Good work, sis!" Rush called, delighted that their goal had been so easily achieved.

Violet reached out, and cupped her hand under the wound on the fiends' neck. She beckoned to Irina. "Come."

Blooding. Rush had been expecting to do this ritual himself, but Violet had been a Guild member for a lot longer than he had, and perhaps it would mean more from someone more unbiased. Irina took a shaky step forward, and bent her head so that Violet could smear the blood first across her forehead and then above her top lip.

"This, your first kill, I mark you with," Violet said, solemnly. "You will carry their passing with you, as you will carry every kill you make. Being a hunter is both burden and blessing, but you are welcome to our ranks. May your skills serve you well."

Irina nodded, twice, and then stuttered out, "th-thank you. I am grateful to be admitted. I will carry this moment with me, always."

"The God Emperor and Marion bless you always, hunter."

Irina's eyes narrowed, but she finished the ritual, though she probably felt as weird about that blessing as Rush did. "And you, hunter."

Rush closed in on Irina, and hugged her from behind. "Congrats, sis."

"Yes, congratulations," David said, and he held out a hand to Irina. "Try not to wipe your face until that's dry. I did, and Torgal nearly had my arm off for smearing the marks."

Irina smiled up at David. "I'll try my best."

The skies were getting really dark, and the wind was picking up now. Rush let go of Irina, and stared up.

Violet followed his gaze. "I will not object to retracing our steps," she said. "I do not need to gaze upon my legacy so urgently that I will risk our lives."

"Dave, you said there was a cave?" At David's nod, Rush made his decision. "Right. We go back, then to that cave, and hunker down there."

One of the soldiers held up a hand, somewhat timidly. "Sir?"

"Yes, Bertha?"

"I'm a fast runner, and sure-footed. Should I carry a message back to Athlum for you?"

Rush looked over at David, who nodded. "Please. Merely tell one of the Generals that we will find shelter and return once this storm is passed. They are not to be unduly concerned if that means waiting overnight."

"Very well, sir." Bertha shouldered her axe. One of the other soldiers helped her strap it down more securely than the usual loose-scabbard fashion in which soldiers wore their weapons, and then Bertha began to run towards the entrance.

The rain had just started to fall by the time they made it into the cave. It wasn't a very deep cave -- it extended back about fifteen metres, but was quite wide and tall and bone-dry once you got a few meters in. David had been right; there was a stack of firewood inside, and a small firepit, and a few blankets and pots and even a little stash of the dried meat rations that were popular in Ghor.

David looked around the cave, and then said, "very well, then. We have water and meat. We can eat those as is, or we can fashion some sort of stew."

"Gonna have to get a fire going anyway," Rush said. "I vote stew."

Everyone set to getting the place set up as if they were going to be settled in overnight. Violet and Irina swept some of the dirt out of the place and started tallying up the supplies. Gabriel and Blocter got the fire going while David went and filled a stewpot with water and then crumbled ration bars into it. Some of the soldiers conferred, and then set up a sort of curtain screening off the back of the area, shutting off everything past the firepit to make a sleeping area that wouldn't be filled with the smoke from the fire.

Rush filled up a few more pots with rainwater, managing to keep himself rather dryer than David had managed. Water and ration stew would keep them all alive, but it would be a dull and tasteless meal.

David always kept a little pouch of tea leaves in his sword's sheath, and Rush fetched it out and added a few leaves to the smallest pot before nudging it onto the firepit next to the stew.

"Hmm?" David said, peering into the pot curiously. "What's that?"

"Your tea, my Lord," Rush said, grinning. "Since you got yourself soaked, getting that water."

David looked genuinely surprised and pleased. "Oh."

"Don't tell everyone, I only made enough for you," Rush said. "I know you'll want more tomorrow morning, so I don't want to use up all your stash."

"That's… very thoughtful." David reached out, lifted the pot, and moved it so the water swirled and moved the leaves around. "Thank you."

Rush wanted to say more -- wanted to explain that it was a peace offering, or an attempt to restore things to how they used to be -- but then a loud yell from outside made both of them turn their heads towards the entrance.

Another yell, and Rush was outside, dashing down the pathway, his feet sliding on the mud. Two old men were struggling with a cartbeast that must have lost its footing, spilling the cart and its contents out as it fell. Blocter, David, Gabriel and two of the soldiers were right behind Rush on the path. Without even discussing it, Blocter, Gabriel and Albrin went to help the beast, and David and Tabitha started collecting up the spilled goods as Rush set the cart upright and checked that the wheels were still good. It would be fine, Rush figured; a little splintered on one side, but nothing critical.

"Sprained!" Blocter called out to David, who nodded and then began talking quietly to the merchants.

There was enough room for the merchants and their beast in the cave, though it took a little reshuffling to give the beast enough room to lie down so that its leg could be field-splinted. The merchants offered to contribute some herbs and tubers in return for a share of the stewpot, which David made effusive thanks for. The merchants, once they'd recovered enough to realise who David was, were quietly awed by sharing a cave with the Marquis, though Blocter's chummy ways soon had them laughing and talking to the soldiers over the meal.

David retreated over to his assigned bedroll with the tea, quite soon after that.

"You okay over here?" Rush asked, making his way over to that side.

David smiled up at him. "Just giving our guests the chance to relax."

"Ah." Rush glanced over at the merchants. Now they were in out of the rain, Rush thought he recognised at least one of them from the church in Virtus Parish. It wasn't a surprise that they were awed; in their eyes, David was at least semi-godly. "You want company or quiet?"

"Company, if you don't mind?"

Rush folded himself down cross-legged on the bedroll opposite David. "Is the tea okay?"

"It's exactly what I needed." David swirled the tea around in the cup, and frowned a little. "Which is more than I can say for this storm."

"Yeah." Rush stretched, and glanced over his shoulder to check that Irina was still chatting to Violet. "I think today meant a lot to Irina, though."

David's face immediately lifted out of the scowl. "I don't resent the time spent blooding your sister. Nor do I even mind being stranded here, truth be told. I only fear that the runoff from this storm may flood the farmlands at the base. They have had poor enough harvests lately that--"

"I get you, I get you," Rush said, with a chuckle. "You can't do much about it right now, so you're fretting."

"Yes." David looked down at his tea. "It passes the time, at least."

Rush leant forward. "You know, I think the only time I've ever seen you _not_ thinking too hard is--" and he caught himself. "Um."

David looked up, and then shook his head, with a faint smile. "Steelroot? That's why I have it."

"I was so shocked," Rush admitted. "It's, like, super illegal on Eulam."

"Mm."

Rush sat back, and uncrossed his legs. "I keep thinking I have Athlum figured out, and then something else is different from home. It's funny."

"And disorienting, I imagine," David said, setting down the tea. "Do you still get homesick?"

"No. I don't think I know where home is anymore."

David looked at him for a long, silent moment, and then he reached inside his coat, and pulled out a thin chain with a button threaded onto it. He held it up between them, letting it catch the light from the cooking fire.

Rush felt his cheeks heat, and ducked his head to avoid David's eyes.

"Some of the churches in Athlum send me offerings. It's an odd custom. Pagus deals with it ordinarily and I rarely see the gifts. This, he thought, I should see, since he last saw it on your neck."

"I--" and Rush huffed out a sigh. "I was saying goodbye. Not, uh, to you, but to. Well."

The dangled chain was lifted out of Rush's line of sight. "Are you still my knight? Or do you want me to release you from your pledge?"

"Huh?" Rush looked up, at David's serious face. "No. That wasn't because -- it's nothing to do with _that_ , alright?"

"Then Athlum is your home." David held up his other hand, before Rush could possibly argue. "No. Hear me out. You are pledged to my service, and there will be a place for you in Athlum as long as that is true. What passed between you and I does not change that."

The chain was still held in David's right hand, the button on the end glinting.

"This," and David twitched his hand, so the button jumped, "I will take back. Does that satisfy you?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

David put the chain back inside his coat, carefully. "And so, we sweep the ashes away. Now, can we talk of something unrelated, to put us both at ease?"

"Sure." Rush looked over his shoulder; Violet was still talking to Irina, who was wide-eyed with admiration for whatever Violet was saying to her. "Did you do the Hunter's blooding thing with your first kill?"

David smiled, immediately. "Not precisely. My father, in accordance with customs, instead--"

Rush sat back, grinning, and let David tell him about childhood hunting trips. Once David was on a topic like this, it was easy to keep him talking, and interesting enough that Rush only had minimal chances to feel _humiliated_ at how gracious David had just been to him.

And then soon enough it was dark, and time to sleep.

\--

Back in Athlum, Rush managed to go one whole week of what passed for normality for him. He chatted with David like their friendship was uncomplicated, and avoided spending enough time with David to really strain that pretense. He visited his Dad's sleeping form, he said reassuring things to his mother and sister, he ran errands for the guild so they'd let him use their training facilities for free, and he took a small squad of soldiers out for a little expedition in Blackdale.

Where, like an idiot, he fell off a cliff.

It wasn't a _tall_ cliff -- a few metres from the ground -- but Rush landed awkwardly, and broke his left arm and his right leg. The soldiers field-splinted his injuries and dispensed some healing, and got him back to Athlum castle. Pagus took one look at the arm, and made concerned noises, and then a bonesetter was summoned to _rebreak_ his leg so it wouldn't heal up wrongly.

Rush was dosed heavily with painkillers and told not to get out of bed. Magic could speed up the healing process but putting weight on his broken leg in the first few days would warp the weakened bones and then he'd render himself useless for battle ever again.

A stream of visitors kept him from being too annoyed by the bedrest until that evening. He picked at his supper, feeling like the painkillers wouldn't mix well with food in his stomach, and then shoved it away with his good arm.

He'd be good for fighting in about a week, according to the medics. A whole week. He'd been doing so well, keeping his mind too busy to dwell on, well, _everything_. He'd been able to ignore Irina's little hints about going out hunting more. He'd been able to pretend his Dad would be just fine any day now. He'd been able to stop himself thinking about The Conqueror, or Nagapur, or any of it.

At least he could distract himself a bit. Irina had bought him a stack of books from the library. Rush stretched out an arm -- ugh, couldn't she have put them within reach?

"Need a hand?" David said, crossing the room quickly from the door and picking up the top book. "Here."

"...thanks." Rush put the book on his lap, feeling suddenly awkward. "Sorry."

"Sorry that you injured yourself? Hmm." David, to Rush's surprise, sat on the side of the bed, twisted towards him and so close that Rush felt David's hip against his thigh. "It is inconvenient. But it can't be helped."

Rush shifted away, a little. "Inconvenient?"

"Emmy wanted you to accompany her to Aveclyff." David tilted his head, apparently trying to read the title of the book. "She thinks some of the old records mouldering there might have use to us."

"For… what?"

David's eyes flicked upwards, to Rush's face. "I will accompany her, instead. Perhaps that would be more fitting."

"Wait, you're going off alone? With Emmy? Into Aveclyff?"

"I'll take a chaperone," David said, smiling at him. "Several, in fact."

Great. Now Rush was thinking about _that_ too. He slumped back against his pillows. "Good. You do that. Can't disrespect a maiden, right?"

To his surprise, a woman laughed, in the corridor outside.

David twisted, and looked over towards the door. "Emmy?"

"You're right," Emmy said, and she strode over towards the bed. Once close enough, she reached out past David and poked Rush, right in the wrapped bandages around his broken arm.

"Ow! Hey, what the--"

" _You_ ," she said, her voice vibrant with amusement and annoyance, "lied to me, Rush Sykes."

"I… did I?" Shit. Rush had no idea what Emmy was talking about. Maybe he'd said something about not getting himself a broken leg at some point. He stared at her, blank with confusion.

David stood up, abruptly, and gently pushed Emmy away. "We save it for later."

She switched her gaze from Rush to David, and then nodded, her mouth firming into a neutral line. "Yes, my Lord."

"Try to rest," David said, turning back to Rush. "We'll return before you're ready to walk again, I promise."

Whatever the hell was going on, Rush decided he was better off just going with the flow. "Okay. Sure. Don't break anything like I did."

David smiled, his expression very open and fond, in a way it hadn't been for _weeks_. "Enjoy your novel."

\--

There was a hell of a noise outside, and _nobody_ was nearby to tell Rush what the hell was going on. He had a crutch that allowed him to get to the toilet, and he used that to haul himself over to the window, holding his leg as stiffly as he could to avoid 'moving' it too much.

From here, he could see that there was a crowd in Athlum's main square. It… oh. They were dispersing, and the noise was fading. Rush leant as far out of the window as he could -- someone was rolling up a scroll. Had there been a proclamation? Rush had watched some, over the time he'd been in Athlum, and they did always get a big noisy crowd reaction.

He turned back, and scowled at the distance between the bed and his post at the window. Drat.

"You should be in bed," David said, disapprovingly, leaning against the doorframe, his arms folded.

"Things were happening, Dave. You know I'm nosy."

David uncrossed his arms, and came to help Rush, one arm around Rush's waist and the other pulling Rush's good arm over his shoulder. It was the same way Rush had supported David, that time at the Rubber Soul, and Rush let his weight rest on David as he hobbled back to the bed.

"Thanks," Rush said, as David gently lowered him to sit on the bed. "So what's the big deal out there?"

David bent, and lifted Rush's legs to swing them up onto the bed. "A change of status."

"For Athlum?"

"Not exactly," said Emmy, from the door. "But in a sense."

Rush blinked over at her. "How was Aveclyff?"

"Emmy was correct," David said, and he sat down on the edge of Rush's bed. "We found the records. She doesn't need to marry me."

Huh? Rush looked from David's face to Emmy's, and they both had the same faintly amused, faintly pleased expression. "But the Gae Bolg--and the--"

"I can perform only the part of the ritual that allows it to take from me. As could you, if you chose."

"As can all of the Generals," David amended. "We think it may even be a better solution. Spreading the burden around many shoulders will lighten it for each. It's merely custom that made the burden all fall on the Marchessa."

Rush tried to take that in. "Huh."

Emmy pulled a sour face at Rush, over David's shoulder. "You should have told me, Rush Sykes."

"In his defense--"

"I know, my Lord." Emmy shook her head. "But I would have released you earlier, and spared us all this."

"Released?" Rush asked, a tiny little glimmer of hope suddenly dawning in his chest.

David put his hand on Rush's, a very gentle gesture that somehow seemed to carry a lot of weight. "We have released each other from the betrothal. That is what was announced, just now. And now Emmy is free to pursue her own heart, as am I."

"You have the advantage," Emmy said, now smiling openly. "Your quarry can't run away right now."

"Emmy, please close the door behind you."

"Yes, my Lord."

David leant in, as Emmy obediently pulled the door shut, but Rush managed to wriggle backwards just enough to make David hesitate.

"Rush?"

"You can't -- I mean, we can't -- I mean, it can't be as easy as that." Rush knew he was stammering, but _shit_ , David couldn't just be breaking his childhood betrothal for _Rush_ , not really.

David sat up. "No. There will be some consequence; I will have to explain myself to my advisors. But regardless of my own feelings, I could not force Emmy into marriage after she told me she was reluctant."

Oh.

"It would have been easier had we both been honest with one another, earlier. But it is done, however belatedly." David reached inside his coat, and pulled out the slim chain that still held his button. "And, if you would consent, I would ask you to wear my token again."

Rush stared at the button. "You still have--"

"I took it back, but only for a while." David's other hand was still on Rush's, and he squeezed, gently. "I hope, at least."

"You know," Rush said, letting that bright dawning hope finally break out in a smile, "Emmy's right. I'm a sitting target, like this."

"You are." David let the chain drop into Rush's lap, and took his hand off Rush's. "Should I allow you a head-start, before I begin my pursuit?"

"Don't you dare."

Rush hauled David in by his shirt collar, but it wasn't as if David resisted. It felt _right_ , this time, kissing David, and Rush fell _into_ it so completely that it startled him when David pulled away, abruptly. "The door," David said, and stood up. "Let me latch it."

That done, David stood by the door, staring at Rush, as if wondering how much Rush's injuries were going to get in the way.

"Come back here," Rush said, beckoning with his good hand. "Please?"

David did. It took them a bit of effort to get Rush undressed, especially as they kept being distracted by kissing, but David was very careful not to jar Rush's arm or leg, and Rush did what he could to undo as many of David's many buckles and belts as he could manage one-armed. David got himself undressed the rest of the way, and lay down next to Rush in the narrow infirmary bed.

David lifted Rush's hand to his mouth, and kissed the back of it. "Do you think I will scandalise your medics, if I sleep here tonight?"

"Probably."

"Good." David lifted Rush's arm up higher, this time kissing the underside of Rush's wrist. "Let them be scandalised."

David kissed his way up Rush's arm until Rush grabbed at his jaw and made David kiss him _properly_ , and then kept kissing David until David was breathless and moaning and slowly slickening in his hand. It felt even better, this time, making David shiver and spasm over his hand, being able to _see_ the expressions shifting on David's face as he reached his climax.

It took a few heartbeats before David lifted his head from Rush's shoulder. "You," he said, frowning, "unman me so fast I scarcely have time to appreciate it."

"Um. Sorry?" said Rush, feeling anything but.

"I'll just have to work on my stamina," David said, firmly, his hand already grasping Rush, moving, making Rush's eyes close almost against his will. David's mouth moved; suddenly, he was whispering into Rush's ear instead. "Or return the favour."

"No complaints here," Rush managed to reply, before David's hand robbed him of the ability to speak. David didn't seem to need words to understand exactly what Rush wanted, anyway; long, firm strokes that sped up and tightened until Rush was as incoherent and shaky as David had been. Rush wasn't even sure what he said, at orgasm, but whatever it was it made David chuckle and kiss him very thoroughly in response.

David had to clean them both up, afterwards, and then he worked the blankets out from under Rush so they could get underneath. The chain was tangled in the blankets, and David -- after a querying look -- helped Rush fix it back around his neck.

"There," David said, settling the button on Rush's chest. "Back where it belongs."

"Technically it belongs on your shirt," Rush pointed out.

"And technically you belong in my bed, but I'll settle for here if I must." David's hand trailed downwards, caressingly. "How are your wounds?"

"Fine. I'll be fighting fit in a couple of days."

"Glad to hear it."

"Can't have your knight indisposed, right?"

David's hand slid sideways, across Rush's stomach. "When they carried you in here, before I knew you had merely broken a few bones, I feared… well. My reaction was obvious. Emmy found me in my room that evening, and we talked."

"And she… told you about who she likes?"

"She did." David's eyes had gone distant. "A commander in the Celapaleian forces, would you believe. The romance is tentative, but even so, there is a spark there that she does not feel for me."

"Oh."

David smiled. "And I told her I loved you, and she asked me if I had anything else obvious to tell her."

Love. Oh. That was a big word. Rush stared at David's distant expression, startled.

"She sounded so like her mother, just then. Perhaps our marriage wouldn't have been so awful." David seemed to snap out of it a little, and he caressed Rush's stomach again. "Not that I regret breaking the betrothal, not at all--"

"I know." Rush put his hand over David's, as much to stop the faintly ticklish stroking as to reassure David. "She's great. But I'm glad you're not marrying her."

David snuggled in closer, resting his head on Rush's upper arm. "As am I."

The sun was setting, outside; the golden light poured in through the window and made Rush feel like everything was vaguely dreamlike. David was curled up next to him, tousled and relaxed.

There was still so much that was awful, so much to worry about. The world was a mess, and who knew what was going to happen next to make it worse. But right now, with David here, and determined to stay, Rush could forget about everything else. He'd grab this happiness with both hands, and never let go.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of this detail in this is not remotely canon, but I had fun inventing it.


End file.
